Personal Best

Today at the gym, some guy stopped me and said, "You've really trimmed down a lot. How much have you lost?"

So I told him -- I've lost over 30 pounds in about 6 months. He congratulated me and asked me a bit about what I had been doing. He knows I run and lift weights -- I see him 3 or 4 times a week at the gym because our workout schedules are fairly similar -- and I told him that I'd been logging my food and generally eating around 1800 calories a day.

It's a little bit hard for me to come to grips with my new skinny body. I feel an odd mix of vain pride and  stupid self-consciousness in most social situations. I can't even figure out if I'm actually slim or if I just think I am because I'm not as fat as I used to be. I've always had a very difficult time evaluating what my body *actually* looks like versus some ridiculous picture in my head.

But the truth is, I've mostly decided I don't care anymore.

I'm in my mid-thirties and I'm not looking to have a rockin' bikini bod. (That's not likely to happen, anyway.) I'm happily married and am not looking to get a lot of male attention - I've never been one to like being the center of attention anyway. My self-worth is NOT tied to my dress size. (Most days, anyway.)

What I do care about:

Doing jumping jacks in the kitchen with Sophie while we're waiting for dinner to cook (and she says, "mom, we're EXERCISING!").



Finding out exactly what my body is capable of (like knocking out three unassisted chin-ups, or deadlifting my bodyweight, or getting a new personal best in that 5k race).

Talking openly with my kids about what it means to be healthy and how and why we should make healthy choices more often than not. But more important than talking about it -- actually living it -- a balanced, 'everything-in-moderation' lifestyle where they learn some basic healthy attitudes without it being an obsession.

And, most importantly, teaching my kids about respecting all people, including themselves, regardless of outward appearance. This was a big deal for me as I started losing weight because I didn't want my kids -- especially my daughter -- to pick up on the idea that I wasn't as valuable as a person because I was overweight. I've told my kids that I'm working on being healthier because it is easier on my body, my joints, my heart, when I'm a lighter weight. And that I'm working on being stronger because it makes me able to do more fun stuff, more work stuff, more 'stuff' in general. And that there are all different kinds of people in the world and they are all working on different things about themselves, and that we never know where a person might be in their lives or what's most important to them at that moment, so it is not useful to judge someone just because we think there is something they could improve on. We could all improve on something.

As an aside, I am madly in love with my weight-lifting routine, which is super-simple in concept -- only 5 different lifts in total -- but an awesomely-tough actual workout. I actually get a silly enjoyment of being one of very few women in the free-weight section of the gym, and the only one I've ever seen squatting in the power rack. I feel stronger and healthier than I have in a long time, and I love it.

And, watching Sophie do her 'push-ups' before bedtime is enough to put a smile on anyone's face.