Driving me crazy

I saw a news report that Indiana is close to passing legislation that officially makes it illegal to text while driving.

I'm not really opposed to this kind of a law. I just have a hard time seeing how it will be enforced. I mean, how does a police officer know a driver is texting and not just glancing at their lap repeatedly, because, you know, they're reading the latest Harry Potter book? I was looking at a study that said crashes have increased in some states after texting bans were introduced; the theory posited by researchers being that drivers simply hide their phones in their laps, making it more dangerous than if they held the phone in their line of vision. I'm not sure I buy that, and even if I did, I'm vehemently opposed to abandoning an idea just because 'people are going to do it anyway.'

But if we're going to have a law, I'd like to see it be effective.

And, isn't reckless driving already illegal? No matter the cause? If a twenty-something girl texts quickly to her mother while sitting in traffic, is that inherently worse than me flipping through my son's school folder as I drive home after picking him up? (I try not to do this....I usually check his folder while we are sitting in the parking lot. Sometimes I forget though, and then Travis says, "check out the snowman I made out of Q-tips and pipe cleaners and fruit roll ups" and I get curious and don't want to wait til I get home...) At any rate, have we decided that texting is evil enough that even doing it responsibly is worse than some other irresponsible distraction?

For instance, a couple weeks ago, I got stopped at a stoplight, and a car pulled up to the light in the lane next to me. He stopped kind of quickly, so I glanced over. The driver was not texting. He wasn't on his phone at all. He wasn't eating, or reading, or even putting on make-up.

He was solving a flipping Rubix Cube.

If that guy gets into an accident and kills someone, do we feel better about it, because at least he wasn't texting?

Should I write a letter to my Congressman, asking for the state to immediately impose a ban upon solving Rubix Cubes while driving?

Obviously, I get it, I understand the likelihood of an accident being cause by a texting driver is far greater than by my friend Mr. Rubix, simply because the sheer volume of texters greatly outnumbers the number of idiots willing to waste their time on that horrible, horrible puzzle cube. But my point is, are we really doing any good by focusing on one manifestation of distraction, when there are so, SO many ways to get distracted while driving?(Take it from me, I spend way too much time in the car reaching behind me to retrieve Sophie's dropped stuffed dolphin, or threatening one of the boys to get their feet off their brother's lap, or glancing in the rearview mirror so Noah can show me what 'surprise' he found in his car seat.)

Regardless, this won't affect me. I don't text. I barely use my cell phone. I've always hated talking on the phone, and now all of a sudden I'm expected to carry one with me ALL THE TIME?? And if people can't get a hold of me on THEIR schedule, they get annoyed with me? Sorry, not my thing.

A Tale of Two (or three) Tires

I've mentioned before that I've had trouble with the air in my tires. They don't stay inflated very well.

About two weeks ago, Ben sent me in to Wal-Mart to have them re-seal the tires to the rims and get my tires rotated. It was the night I had plans for an after-work drink with a co-worker and a client at a restaurant right next to the Wal-Mart. How convenient. I dropped my car off and went on my merry way to enjoy some good conversation and an Irresistible Itch (don't ask me what that is, but it was the drink special for the night and it was quite good. AND it came with a free back scratcher. Can anyone say jackpot?!?).

When I got back to Wal-Mart to get the car, I found it jacked up in the garage, minus a tire.

I assumed they just weren't done yet.

I got inside, and there was a herd of Wal-Mart mechanics standing in a circle and gossiping. It looked like they were discussing the latest shenanigans on Real Housewives of Orange County.

Instead, apparently they were discussing my car.

Specifically, my one tire.

They called me over and explained that they couldn't put the back right tire back on and they couldn't rotate it because it was in BAD SHAPE.

Something about the belts on the inside.

It looked like it had been driven on while it was flat.

[Cue accusatory stares from gaggle of Wal-Mart mechanics.]

Well, okay, maybe I DID drive on it while it was flat, but it was unintentional and it's because my tires keep going flat and THAT IS THE REASON WHY I BROUGHT IT IN HERE FOR YOU TO WORK ON IT.

At any rate, they threw some strongly worded phrases at me about really being unable to do anything about this except sell me a new tire, unless I wanted to go against all their worldly advice and have them put the tire back on and drive back home and probably have it blow out on the way home and I would most likely lose control of the car and probably run over a couple small children and maybe a squirrel.

I tried to call Ben but he wasn't answering his cell phone. So I tried again. And again. About forty-six times.

Finally, I made the call. Go ahead, Wal-Mart people, sell me a tire. I picked the middle of the road one because, hello, I'm not a sucker but I am also not a cheapskate.

I drove home. Told Ben the story. He was less than pleased.

That tire has a warranty on it.

Oh. I didn't know that. Well, the tire is in my trunk. And it still probably has a warranty on it, right? I mean, we can still have the tire place fix it and then we just end up with an extra tire. That's not that bad, is it?

So, they didn't rotate the tires. Did they at least re-seal the other ones? The ones that they didn't sucker you into replacing?

Ummm. Gee. I kind of forgot about that. I don't think they did. I mean, they were too busy stressing out about what kind of idiot driver drives on a flat tire and then brings it in to get rotated.

So, after all that drama, I still had the same air-leakage problem on the remaining three tires.

We hadn't quite gotten around to solving that problem yet (and by we, I mean Ben, because I think I've successfully demonstrated that I simply can't be trusted to handle anything but the most basic car issues, like perhaps resetting the trip odometer or changing the CD in the CD player) when Ben noted last week that my tires were low again. I had intended to fill them with air in the evening, but forgot. So the next morning, after dropping the kids off at my mom's, I stopped at a gas station on my way to work and filled up the three old tires with air.

As it turns out, that day, I had a mid-morning meeting with a client about an hour away. I was to meet a co-worker at the toll road plaza and we were going to head over together.

So at about 9:00, I headed out to my car, and backed out of my parking spot. I put the car in Drive and inched forward.

I immediately knew something was wrong.

I stopped the car and got out. My front driver's side tire was flat. I mean FLAT. Dead as a doornail.

I was in the parking garage, which goes around and around in endless circles, and barely has enough space for two cars to pass each other. I couldn't really stay where I was blocking multiple cars, so I crept forward looking for the next available spot in the garage, cursing all the gym rats that were taking up the Memorial Health and Lifestyle spots that are normally empty.

On my way, a gentleman who was exiting the gym motioned at me, and hollered, "YOU HAVE A FLAT TIRE!!"

I knew that already.

The bad news?

He was motioning at my front passenger side tire.

Yes, it's true, my friends. TWO of my tires were totally flat.

(Oh, and also, I apparently need a car wash)

I made it down to the next floor and parked in a spot reserved for Bank of America customers.

Screw you, Bank of America, I'm pretty sure you had something to do with ruining the economy anyway, so I don't care if your valued customer can't find a stinking parking spot right now. This is an EMERGENCY.

I really had no idea what to do from there, so I headed back to my office. Called my co-worker and explained that I had a flat tire (I didn't have the energy to explain that what I actually had was multiple flat tires) and that I wouldn't make it to the meeting. Briefed him on my part of the project and promised him I'd be available by conference call should the need arise.

Tried to get a hold of Ben. No luck on the cell phone so I sent him an e-mail alerting him to my two, count 'em TWO, flat tires and asking for help.

In the meantime, I sat at my desk and marveled about how on EARTH this could have happened.

Two flat tires? I mean, yes, they have been losing air, but they don't generally go ALL the way flat. And I had JUST filled them up at SEVEN-FORTY-FIVE that morning. How does this happen?!

Ben had the same sentiment.

Are you sure you filled them up?

Yes, I'm quite sure it was MY tires to which I hooked up the air hose this morning. I mean, I'm kind of an idiot but even I know what a valve stem looks like. It's not like I pumped air into the radiator.

Did you run over one of those spike things? Like, you went the wrong way through something?

What?? No, I drove the same route to work I always do. I didn't run over any spikey things, and no, the police weren't chasing after me, either.

But, true to form, Ben saved the day. He showed up at work with two air compressors, which we had to surreptitiously charge mid-way through in an electrical outlet in my parking garage.

Once we had the tires filled back up, I followed him out to Tire Rack, where we had purchased the tires. They tested them and cleaned them and did something else to them that I really can't remember.

So, I think we're good now.

Oh, and they found a screw that had punctured the tire that was in my trunk, the one Wal-Mart insisted I replace. Warranty - VOID.

Just my luck.

The real meaning of three-hour car trips

We drove down to Ben's grandma's house for Easter. It was a fun time; but exhausting. It's a three-hour trip in the car each way and the few hours at the house involves a lot of diaper changing and finding food for picky kids to eat and pulling rubber snakes away from kids who are flinging it at their young cousins and reminding certain three-year-olds to please take a break from playing rock paper scissors with the other kids to take a potty break once in a while and stopping Sophie from pulling food directly off of people's plates.

On the way down, about thirty minutes into our trip, Noah said his belly hurt. I glanced in the rearview mirror and immediately knew we were in trouble. Just as I elbowed Ben in the passenger seat and urged him to find something remotely resembling a barf bag, Noah threw up. Ben was able to direct most of it into a random plastic bag he had in his truck, but there was still some collateral damage.

I pulled off onto a side road and told Ben we needed to make a decision. Do we still want to make the remaining two-and-a-half hour drive? Is Noah contagious-sick or is it (more likely) a result of his breakfast of hard-boiled egg, pink & purple yogurt, and cotton candy? If we do decide to keep going, what on earth is Noah going to wear since I don't think it is appropriate to bring the kid into a house full of family while wearing vomit-streaked clothing?


Twenty minutes and a twenty-dollar Wal-Mart run later, Noah had a new outfit and we were on our way.

In the car, we were talking about Easter egg hunts and the Easter Bunny and candy and whatnot. Ben decided to take the opportunity to make sure the kids were thinking about the real meaning of the holiday.

He says, "What is Easter REALLY about?"

Travis exclaims, "Jesus!"

Sophie chimes in, "JEEEsus!!"

Noah whimpers...."I can't say Jesus because I'm too sick....."

Hmmm. Nice try, kid.

Luckily, Noah recovered, and the rest of the trip was fairly uneventful, at least as far as bodily fluids go.

While Travis was playing outside with his cousins he slipped into a huge puddle of water and we ended up changing him into the second spare set of clothing that Ben had bought at Wal-Mart after the vomit disaster. Noah melted down because he thought he didn't find enough Easter candy because his Easter bag was three times as big as Travis's so it didn't look nearly as full. Sophie just ate constantly and charmed everyone, and climbed onto Great-Grandma D's lap as we were leaving and told her she loved her.

And that, my friends, is what Easter is all about.

The Easter Blog

We decorated Easter eggs this week. Here's proof.

My kids are very serious about Easter egg decorating:

Seriously. Aren't you having any fun at all??

There. That's better.

I bought some kit that had "sparkle" glue so you could make your eggs all sparkly after they were decorated. Mostly it just made them sticky.

This morning, we went out to a local park for their Easter Egg Hunt. Okay, it wasn't really a hunt so much. More like just run and pick up and try not to knock any other kids over while you're doing it.

I find this picture hilarious, because when I first took out the camera to snap it, Colin was giving me all sorts of goofy, cheesy smiles, and Noah was just giving me strange, confused looks. Unfortunately it was in video mode, so I stopped recording and switched it over to camera mode. Somehow amongst all of Colin's grins and all of Noah's confusion, I managed to snap this one picture of Noah with a great smile, and Colin actually looking grumpy.

Princess Sophie

I unfortunately didn't get any pictures of Travis during the egg-grab, because he was with his dad on the big kid field.

Waiting at the bunny house

How could you not love this picture??!

Learning the Ropes

Noah doesn't like to wear pants.

That kid gets more like his dad every day.

Right now he is asleep in my arms, pants-less, while Ben argues with the AT&T UVerse rep on the phone.

I am so over UVerse. It's exhausting.

But back to Noah. On a regular basis, after pottying, he says, "mom, I don't think I need to wear pants anymore today."

On occasion, our roomie Justin will get home from work and say, "I see Noah's not wearing any pants again...." Or, "um....Noah's playing Wii on the couch and he's completely naked. Is that okay?"

I forgot to mention, sometimes Noah doesn't like to wear underwear either.

I hope I'm not forever ruining the concept of child-rearing to poor Justin. He had no idea what he got himself into when he decided to move here for roughly a year before he got married. That time is coming to a close, officially 60 days left until the wedding, and I'm afraid the best thing he'll leave here with is the knowledge of how to bathe a kid in baking soda water to get food coloring stains off their body, and what to do when you accidentally sit on a soccer ball potty chair on your middle of the night bathroom run.

What can I say, we're all about passing along pearls of wisdom. We're so unselfish like that.

It's just my job

Just a quick update to confirm I'm still around.


I just came down from upstairs, where Noah was screaming from his bed.

Mom, I have three problems.

Yes?

I have a problem with this sock [holds up sock], a problem with this toe because it's slippery, and, um, the moon lamp turned off. Those are my three problems.


I never did figure out what he meant by his 'slippery toe' but I assume it was that which led him to take off the sock in the first place. I just slipped off the other sock, problem solved. Reset the moon lamp which automatically turns off after thirty minutes.

See how useful I am?


I have a headache, and I'm constantly tired again. I can't think of anything witty to say about that. I'm closing in on the final weeks of a gigantic database migration at work that is consuming my every thought. I also can't think of anything witty to say about that unless there is some humor to be found in binder billing, which I'm fairly certain there is not.

So there.

Spring Break, Part Two

Perhaps the best way to describe the second half of our vacation week is to state that I'm grateful it was someone else's carpets upon which my kids were vomiting.

It's not like we had a horrible time or anything, but much of the last few days was spent in our little condo, with fevers and belly-aches and general sickness abounding. I'll spare you the details, but rest assured there were lots of paper towels involved. There was even a trip to the emergency room to round things out.

(The ER trip was for Travis, by the way, and took place at 3 a.m., as ER trips are wont to do, and resulted in an antibiotic prescription for his ear infection and a stuffed penguin courtesy of the very kind nurses at St. Clare Hospital in Baraboo, Wisconsin.)

And now, a few additional pictures to sum up our trip:

They had rubber ducky races every morning at one of the water parks at our resort. We went a couple times, but none of our ducks were fast enough to win. My kids picked slacker ducks.

They got to take the ducks home, though, which was really all they cared about. Here they are, each traipsing their ducks along the railing in the hallway. They did this all the way back to our room. I have no idea why.

Here's Noah escorting Sophie through the hallway to the waterpark. Our resort connected to three waterparks via skywalks -- by the end of the week, Noah was a champ at making his way through the maze of hallways to our destination.

Me and Travis in the hot tub, coming in from outside.

Here's the kids in front of the aquarium at our dinner at River's Edge Pub & Grub.

And now all of us.

Ben likes to feed the kids lemons and capture their faces on camera. Don't let that look fool you, though. She liked it. She went back in for at least three more bites.

Here's the boys in the tube and tunnel park at Knucklehead's.

Sophie, looking down from up high.

Sliding

I didn't get many pictures from our last day, because all day Friday was spent holed up in our condo, playing video games and card games, sleeping, and cleaning up sick kids. Here are a couple pictures that really sum up that experience.

This is Sophie in her king size bed that she got all to herself, courtesy of being the only girl among the siblings. Can anyone say princess?

On our way home, we stopped at Cabela's in Hammond.

Ben told Travis to act scared, like he was being attacked by a bear. I don't think he was really feeling that.

And finally, here's some snapshots that underscore the high (and low) points of our trip:

The kids' duck collection.

Our new video game, that Ben bought about halfway through the week. This game was our life-saver on Friday.

The picture Travis drew of one of his favorite parts of vacation. That's him in the wave park. He's wearing a life jacket.

The wristband from Travis's hospital visit.

His new penguin from the hospital, which he named Mr. Slidey.

Interlude

Sitting around the condo after dinner.....

Travis: Sophie, what is ninety-nine plus five?

Sophie: Mmmmmm........six!

Travis: no, it's one hundred four. What is....one hundred plus one thousand?

Sophie: Chocolate!

Travis: nope, it is one thousand one hundred. What is ninety-nine plus ninety-nine?

Sophie: Down!

Travis: No......

Sophie: Up and down!

Travis: No!!! It is one hundred ninety-eight.


Poor Sophie. She has a long way to go in the math department. At least she's got a good tutor.

Spring Break Twenty-Eleven, Part One

Here's a few 'first-round' pictures of our spring break vacation in Wisconsin Dells. Mostly we've been hanging out at our condo and taking advantage of the water parks here, and playing Wii tournament marathons in the evenings. We also spent one afternoon at a riding ranch about 20 miles north of here.

Floating on the Lazy River

The giant bucket dumping 1000 gallons of water on the poor unsuspecting children below

Here it comes!

Travis decided to give it a try. He was terrified and thrilled at the same time.

Day two, we went to the giant wave park. This place was a big hit.

Sophie and Noah in the kiddie park

Riding the waves....

Sophie LOVED it.

Here's Travis, who ventured his way out on his own. He was a big fan.

Switching gears....here we are at the ranch.

Sophie and Noah were thrilled well before we even got on the horses. They would have been just as pleased had this been a kitty petting farm.

Here's Ben, showing the kids how to feed the horses. And here's Cracker, eating whatever treats he could con us into giving him.

Me and Noah on Tally, Ben and Sophie on Molly, and Travis on Breeze.

Sophie enjoyed it....but, she fell asleep mid-way through.

She woke back up again, though.

By the way, the kids were astounded that there was snow on the ground up here.

Self-portrait, atop the horse

And finally,

SOPHIE

vs.

BUFFALO PHIL'S PIZZA

Who will win?

In the end, the pizza secured the victory. It was too much for even Sophie to handle. But, I think she was pretty happy even in defeat.