I feel like lots of people have kids because its the next thing to do on their 'list'. Finish school, get married, have kids. And I feel like people get so tied up in the thought of having a baby that babyhood is all they focus on.
For my part, as much as I love my children in their infant, toddler & pre-school phases, I also really look forward to talking to Travis about his fifth-grade homework problems, about adolescent crap that's so horrible and yet so life-developing at the same time; reassuring Noah as he goes through competitive battles with his older brother and establishes his own identity; watching Sophie grow into a tomboy or a girlie-girl or wherever on that spectrum she lies; going on family vacations when the kids are older, more independent, when they bicker back and forth in the car but also help each other hike to the top of the mountain, when they push each other under the statue of Paul Bunyan in Bemidji, Minnesota but also sing goofy songs together around the campfire. I think (I hope) I'll thrive in that parenting stage. Parenting babies and toddlers is fun, but I can't wait for that next step. Well, that's not true. I can wait. But I'm really excited for it.
I got to thinking about this last week as I was at the end of my rope with Travis and Noah whining before bedtime about getting their teeth brushed. We'd gone upstairs, I was changing into my pjs, they were in the bathroom waiting for me to load up their toothbrushes with SpiderMan Super-Action Mint toothpaste. By the time I got into the bathroom they were both politely expressing their desires, something along the lines of "MOM! GET ME MY TOOTHPASTE! MOM! TOOTHPASTE! MOOOOMMMMM!!"
So I sat them both down and explained to them that its important that they learn how to have patience; their lives will be much improved if they are well equipped to handle waiting for things without flipping out. So, as they are gripping their toothbrushes, looking at me solemnly as I pass along this important life lesson, I made them each repeat "Patience is a virtue" before I rewarded them with their long awaited toothpaste. It was so adorable. I wish I had it on tape. Their sweet blue eyes and serious faces as they each recited the phrase.
Anyway, I really like that kind of thing. I want to be the kind of mom where, when my kids grow up, they say "My mom always told me....." It might be a little cliche, a little cheesy, a little trite -- but I like it. I'll probably repeat myself a lot, some lessons might take a little time to sink in, some may never sink in. I'm okay with that.
I find myself looking for reasons to bring up semi-uncomfortable subjects with Travis, now that he's a little older and more able to understand some things. Like the time we were at Goodwill and there was a mentally challenged adult there, shopping with his guardian. He made strange noises, walked and talked in very conspicuous ways, and drew stares from most of the patrons. When we got in the car, we talked about it - how he acted different than us, maybe in ways that other people thought strange -- but it is our job to treat people equally and love all people, because God wants us to love everyone, even if we don't understand them. He said, "Well, I loved him!" Or the time we talked briefly about drugs (because of a radio commercial that said "talk to your kids about drugs" -- and Travis said, "what's drugs?") -- where I told him that some kids don't have parents that help them make good decisions, and sometimes even adults don't make very good decisions, and that its my job to help him understand how to make good decisions, and both of our jobs to help other people make good decisions when we can.
Obviously I know that reality may be more than I bargained for, and perhaps I'm foolish to think I'll be even remotely successful in my endeavors -- and I'm certain I'll have some failure along the way. But if there is one thing I want for my kids, its that they are comfortable having open conversations about darn well anything, even stuff that's difficult to talk about. I don't want that kind of stuff to sneak up on me as a "side effect" of parenting -- I kind of feel like thats the most important job I've got.
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