At Least They Don't Bark

Some kids have imaginary friends.

Travis? Has imaginary wiener dogs.

It all started about three years ago. I've always been one to read the kids a book before bed, but Ben has always been more inclined to tell them a story. Typically he tells them a story about some random pet from his childhood.

Ben had lots of funny pets as a kid.

Anyway, there was one night when I was putting Travis to bed, when he was about three years old, and I told him a story about my childhood wiener dog, Tessa. I am not nearly as good at story-telling as Ben is, but I told him about how Tessa used to grab one piece of dog food at a time, and run into the living room to eat each piece, before running back to the kitchen to grab another one.

Something about that story or about my description of Tessa resonated with him, because not long after that, he started making up his own stories about his own wiener dogs. His invisible wiener dogs.

He has multiple wiener dogs, sometimes as many as a hundred at any one time. I just asked Travis how many he has and he replied, "A hundred and thirty two right now. I used to have one more but it just had twins so it is in my invisible backpack with its babies."

His invisible wiener dogs show up in any number of random places and situations. Sometimes they are in their invisible flying car and they race us to our destination. (They usually beat us, but it's not really fair, seeing as how they really don't have to deal with speed limits or stop signs.)

It should be noted that they are actually flying invisible wiener dogs, but they generally prefer to take the flying car when traveling long distances because otherwise they get tired.

They have been known to help Travis find lost items in the house. Or, at least, taunt us with the knowledge of said items' whereabouts. For instance, perhaps we are looking for Travis's gloves, which he did not put in their proper location upon removal the prior evening.

Me: Travis, where did you take your gloves off at?

Travis: I'm not sure. I thought they were right here.

Me: Well, you need to help me look for them. Where could they be?

Travis: My wiener dogs know where they are! They can see them right now!

Me: ......[grumbling] Tell your wiener dogs we are almost late for school. I could really use their help right now. I don't have time for games.

Sometimes I think I forget that they are, in fact, imaginary.

Other times, the wiener dogs get used as scapegoats for Travis's transgressions. I didn't run into Sophie, mom, my invisible wiener dogs did! They were trying to get to the kitchen for snack time!

I remind Travis that, as they are his invisible wiener dogs, he is responsible for their actions, and he needs to make sure they follow the same house rules as everyone else.

Their most important and useful function is generally when Travis is in a bad mood and can't seem to find his way out of it. Like when he's ultra-whiny and I tell he needs to improve his attitude. Once he realizes he is missing out on something fun or exciting, or is just ready to get out of his funk, he'll say, My wiener dogs told me a joke and made me laugh and forget all about being whiny! I think it is his way of wanting to get over it but not wanting to admit that he was being ridiculous in the first place. Whatever works.

Here's Travis sitting with his invisible wiener dogs. All one hundred and thirty two of them. Some of them are flying above his head. Others are sitting on top of each other.

Although you can't see them in this picture, Travis tells me that you can see them if you close your eyes.

Go ahead, give it a try.

Pretty cool, eh?

Naturally, Travis is the only one who can see them with his eyes open.

With this whole thing having developed several years ago, when Noah was a mere infant, he has really just grown up with Travis's invisible wiener dogs being a normal part of his existence. The other night, as I was tucking the boys into bed, Noah said, "I think there's a bad dream in my bed. It's okay, my wiener dogs will take it back to their house with them."

And the saga continues.